it's a beautiful world everyone's insane all of this time i'm just tryin' to reach you through the rain traffic as we float into space your wide eyes hide your face

Tonight, Tonight. [24 Jun 2004|07:35pm] [ mood | thankful ] [ music | Sade-"Smooth Operator" ] I honestly cannot explain how much today has touched me, but I will try my best. I know now that I need to get myself on my feet again, in all areas of life. Home, school, work, and friends, all of it needs to start today. I know, and I know it well, that I have not been all that I need to be in order to be happy and be productive in my life. It is not a joke anymore, it is not something I can keep fleeing from whenever I think that life is just too hard. Sure, sure I say all of the time that I am a strong person, and that life is for living and living well, but have I ever really followed my own advice? No, I have not. I have so much love to give in this world, there is no doubt about that, but in order to give that love, I need to be 100% of who I want to be. I need to be that strong person that I profess myself to be, and I just can't keep running away. I want to apologise to the following people, some of them already know why, and to the others, well they will find out in a moment: Jamie Stephanie Beth Aldo Derycke Matt My parents My brothers Raymond My Deviant pals My journaling pals My Amtgard pals (the ones I am really close to) Before you leap at me with swords and axes saying "you have nothing to apologise for", well, I believe I do. You may not take it to heart, but it is something that I -need- to do. "And when the crowd becomes your burden, And you've early closed your curtain, I will wait by the backstage door While you try to find The lines to speak your mind Pryed open, hoping for an encore. And if it gets too late For me to wait For you to find you love me and tell me so, It's okay, You don't need to say it." - Fiona Apple None of you need to say it, because I know that if you are my friend and have stuck by me that you love and worry about me to some extent, and for that I am eternally greatful. I have not been as honest and as open as I have wanted to with some of you, and it hurts me so much to realize it, but I also know that it is not too late to change. Some of you know that I have a capacity to love that is huge, but I just don't do it all of the time because I am mortal and I am scared of being hurt. Life -is- for living though, for the good and the bad, and running from that is just running into ignorance. My heart hurtss so much to know that I have not been who I want to be for you all and for myself. But I know (and boy do I know) that I can change and become the person I want to be, and that I can finally emote to you all, and love you all the way I have ached to for so long. Today is a day for burning down the barriers in my heart. It will take some time before I am where I want to be, but you can't let me run away like I always do, and I know that some of you love me enough to do that. I am nothing without you guys, because I live to see the glow upon your faces, and nothing makes me happier to look into your eyes and see the gleam that fades from time to time. When it does fade, I will do anything to bring it back, even sacrifice some of my own ill-gotten pride. I will cry with you, I will laugh with you, because I love you so much, and I am living today because there are so many wonderful people in my life. I think this may be coming to late for a few people, but I will reach them somehow. This love of mine has been rekindled through sadness and realization. It is amazing what a couple hours and 12 ounces of mocha can do to change your life. So while I sit here and cry, I am not sad. I mourn what I was, but I look forward to what I shall become. Life is fear, hope, love, hate, and fear all over again, but I am not afraid as I used to be. I do hope you all know that, although I have said it a lot so far, I mean it every time I say that I love you, no buts about it. Without all of you, there would be no me. I will stop here, because I have said my piece, and there are about a million other things I could say, but this is enough. -Lilly ( Drive You Home, by Garbage ) i am with you, if you bleed

One of those moods... [24 May 2004|08:02pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Am I Evil- "Death on a Snofield" ] One of those spazmatic... happy for no reason moods? With how I have been lately, I should not feel happy at all, but I do today. It seems like some stress has been lifted, though... wow... how can I explain all of this. Let me think... I am more sad then I have been all of this time, but I am also happier. They seem to be canceling each other out (especially since I found my cd full of techno mp3s). Stephanie has been going to therapy, and things seem to be getting better for her around the house. Aaron and myself went to the Beanery this afternoon so that he could coach her in math. Her mom was along, and I got a hug from her, VERY GOOD SIGN! (Maybe she won't bar me from her after all. ^^) But through the afternoon we talked about things, and they seem to be doing a lot better around each other. She has to ask her father but... *crosses fingers!* she may be coming back to Amtgard for at least 3 hours per session. Kiyanna: My Lady-Lord! *ahem*shoves roleplaying part of self back into it's niche* I cannot begin to describe the 180 her personality is taking, she is going back to the person I knew her as; the strong, happy lady ready to take life by the horns... or at least give it a stern talking to. We have that freaky energy vibe going again, which is something that has not been around since early on in Amtgard. She is really starting to feel better, I just hope it does not go to her head and make her behave out of sorts before she gets her freedom back. So just by her feeling better, I am starting to feel better. As for me, wow. My head is weird, and I don't know what I am thinking about half of the time. Pardon if there are any strange typos in this post, as I am still wearing the nails from prom. Well... prom... there is something to distract myself with. I could probably type on and on forever about it, but for your sakes I will keep it simple, give you some highlights. My mom had major issues with the dress sewing, so I am rather embarrassed to say that Vanesa, Matt, and Derycke showed up, and I entertained them in my warm-ups until my mother was able to get done. ^^;; They didn't mind thankfully. Beth did a lovely job on my hair, since I am challenged in that department. Luckily I planned a half an hour into the schedule so that if something happened, it would not screw up time. So we left, and Vanesa forgot her ticket, so we went to her house, and her dad took pictures before we headed off for greek food. Katie's (one of my several Katie friends) parents were there, so I spoke with them for a few moments. I knew I would be seeing her later that night, and they were quite excited about the evening. Matt and Derycke were perfect gentlemen to Vanesa and I (as if there were any doubt about that ~_^), and I lost the tip battle at dinner. I will find a way, someday... so anyway, we headed over to the Konditorei afterword, and ran into a few friends who were aout to leave off to the dance. I got some coffee, thus I was that much happier. After stopping off at a quickiemart for Vanesa's cigs, we left for the fairgrounds. Eh, new paragraph time. We pulled in after a limo and found Scott and Rachel along with several others out front. The group in the limo was actually Chris and Eric's group, so we rolled our windows down and greeted them all. I had to park quite far from the hall unfortunately, and it was bloody freezing. I got Deryke's jacket to keep me warm though, thankfully. ^^ I was tempted to run over to the equestrian arena, since equestrian team state was on that night and I wanted to see how Eleesa and the group was doing, but the shivers told me no. We were bombarded by people as soon as we got in. Very pirate themed, indeed. I am (as well as lots of others) rather peeved that they only played one techno song (Sandstorm), but it is a school dance, so what are they going to play? Sappy slow songs and an overabundane of crap. So, I danced all night with the girls and guys, got tons of comments on my "sexy" dress, and generally had the time of my life. We left at midnight, and there weren't many folks left. We could not find any of the folks we wanted to meet with. I learned today that they were at Kyle's new place hanging out. So I dropped Matt off (Vanesa left early, long story), and Derycke and I took a convoluted way to his house. We walked around the neighbourhood for awhile before I went home. Got home at 1:30, fell asleep around 2. ... and that is all I have the liberty to speak of here. *hugs actual journal sitting on desk* As for this little girl's head, well... I think it will be okay, eventually. There are things that I really need to say, things I really need to resolve, but right now it does not seem like the right time. Then again... the right time could have already passed me by... actually, I know it did, I was just too reserved. Well, I shall make due anyway. Steph told me it was fate, and did not seem to upset about my wining and inability to say anything. She has confidence that I will get through this unscathed. That is what I need right now, confidence and a guarded heart. -Lilly It might not be the right time I might not be the right one But there's something about us I want to say Cause there's something between us anyway I might not be the right one It might not be the right time But there's something about us I've got to do Some kind of secret I will share with you I need you more than anything in my life I want you more than anything in my life I'll miss you more than anyone in my life I love you more than anyone in my life -Daft Punk, "Something About Us" as we float inbetween... i am with you, if you bleed

Girr. [25 Apr 2004|11:25am] [ mood | angry ] [ music | nothing ] Anger drives me today. Time to blow off some steam. He better get here soon, I need to get away from here. i am with you, if you bleed

... [17 Apr 2004|03:28pm] [ mood | intimidated ] [ music | Garbage-"#1 Crush" ] I don't know what it has been about today... but I feel completely down. Not just like "oh, I feel crappy," but more like mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. I seriously wonder what the hell is wrong with me today. The first Amtgard(LARP) skirmish was yesterday. I am very disappointed in myself because of it. I know it was our first set of battles, but I still wanted to have memmorized my spells, and my stupid competitive side emerged after the second game. I got completely out of character, and I started forgetting my spells while I cast them. I feel terrible for it. I have not felt like this in a long while, truth be told. I have done a lot of stupid things lately, and I think it is because I have been really stressed out as of late. It is starting to effect my personality and relationships, and I am showing myself in a way that I don't want to. On a lighter note... I just figured out that I am going shopping at the same place for two very different events: Amtgard and Prom. That seems like an oxy-moron to me, does it to you? Ahh... conformity. I seriously need to be grounded. I feel like I am on the very weak pillar that is about to break, and I am tetering on the edge. I am sorry that is vague, but I feel vague right now. I don't know myself right now, and it is really bothering me. I am concidering seeing Iva again... and that is something I don't want to redily admit, but I need to. I am sick of pasting a smile on my face everyday when I am truly feeling terrible. My family is wearing me down. My father told me the other day, "You are the baby of the family, you should always be smiling and happy, it helps the rest of us get out of our bad straights." Okay, from my standpoint, that seems a little unreasonable. I am not the same girl I was 7 years ago, I don't just sit there and be naive to the truth that my family is in trouble, that they do have problems, but I am still supposed to paint on a smile like everything is okay? No... it is not fair. I just feel like I have done something terrible, and I don't know what it is. I havn't cried since January, and I am sitting here typing this while I bite back whimpers and wipe the tears falling down my face. I know I haven't done anything wrong, unless I have and just don't know, and that is the problem, how am I supposed to know? I wonder if people know what they are doing when they make requests of someone, berate them. My father contstantly telling me I am not doing enough, my grandparents hovering over me for every waking hour, my brothers on my back, friends who don't seem to be friends anymore, and my own self doubt. I do it to myself, I know that, but sometimes I just can't stop it. All the hits I took yesterday suddenly feel a whole lot worse. I feel terrible. I need to talk to someone, but, I don't know to who, even talking to Squishy does not sound okay to me right now. I guess I do feel one thing. I am paranoid right now, paranoid of seeming fake because of how I am acting. It is like I can't be myself, and so I try, and I come off fake. That is the LAST thing I want to do to my friends. All I know is, if someone sits here and tells me it is all in my head, and that I am just whining, I will not be happy. In fact, I probably will not be too personable to said parties. Tell me I am wrong about all this. On a lighter note... I just figured out that I am going shopping at the same place for two very different events: Amtgard and Prom. That seems like an oxy-moron to me, does it to you? I... really don't feel like writing anymore. -Lilly i am with you, if you bleed

Interesting quote for your day: [07 Apr 2004|03:01pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Donnie Darko-"Manuipulated Living" ] "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." -Lynn Lavner, Feminist Musician i am with you, if you bleed

Lyrics post, Growl. [03 Apr 2004|10:26pm] [ mood | infuriated ] [ music | Donnie Darko Sdtk-"Mad World" ] This sums up how I am feeling right now, so if you cannot read my friends only post, you can get the idea of what my state of mind is. Mad World- Gary Jules All around me are familiar faces Worn out places, Worn out faces Bright and early for the daily races Going nowhere, Going nowhere Their tears are filling up their glasses No expression, No expression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow No tomorrow, No tomorrow And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad These dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very very... Mad World, Mad World Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday And they feel the way that every child should Sit and listen, Sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me, No one knew me Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson Look right through me, Look right through me And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad These dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very very... Mad World, Mad World Enlargen your world Mad World i am with you, if you bleed

Faramir and Eowyn [03 Apr 2004|02:26pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Donnie Darko Sdtk-"Manipulated Living" ] First of all, You must see this movie right now or I will kick you in the face! ^_^;;; Quiz Ganked from Pho: Your ideal Middle-Earth parents are Faramir and Eowyn! Do you have any idea ho difficult it is to find pictures of your mom and dad together? Thats because Faramir usually holds the camera. Anywho, they are the prince and princess of Ithilien, which will naturally give you some sort of impressive title. Your uncle omer is the king of Rohan, so when you were little you actually got that pony you asked for. And a beautiful Mustang on your sixteenth birthday, too! Considering who your parents are, youll probably be tall and attractive. Your Middle-Earth mama is Lady Eowyn of Rohan. Shes one of the coolest women in the history of ever! She faced down the Witch-King of Angmar and his fell beast for her uncle, so you know she will do just about anything to protect you. She will probably teach you to ride a horse and use a sword and spear properly, not to mention letting you visit your uncle Eomer and aunt Lothiriel all the time. Your Middle-Earth dad is Faramir of Gondor. He has a lot of official duties, but when he is finished for the day hel will spend quality time with his family. Faramir is very intelligent, so he can help you with your homework. If you are rambunctious it will probably remind him of his brother Boromir, so he lets you get away with an awful lot. Word of advice: don not mention your grandfather Denethor. Your dad doesnt want to talk about him. Also, insanity runs in your family. (Maybe you will get lucky) I hoped you liked my quiz. Please rate it, okay? Which Lord of the Rings couple would be your dream parents? Pictures and longish answers. brought to you by Quizilla Quiz Ganked from LB: flooble said that I am Not Gay (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Take the flooble Gay Quiz technical interview puzzles, riddles and brain teasers Okay, I'm done. XD That Fooble quiz was hallarious! -Lilly Also, here is a list of songs I am going to DL by Damien Rice (PS:It is for you too. ^^)): Amiee All Dressed Up Smile Silent Night Volcano Lonelily I Remember Nine Crimes Moody Monday i am with you, if you bleed

Wow. [02 Apr 2004|10:49pm] [ mood | thankful ] For forever and a day now, John Rios has been one of my favorite online comic artists. He is just simply brilliant with any of his subjects, and his style is superb. He recently started up his Math Major Man character again, and I saw one of his older b&w versions of the character that I really wanted to cell-shade. So I did, and I was rather proud with my work, so I decided to send it to him for possible edjudication. Sorry to bother you if your inbox is bulging. ^^;; I mean no harm, I swear it. I saw the black and white pin-up of Math Major Man, and I really had the drive to cell-color it. I thought you may like to look at the results, so I have the final image attached. ^^ I hope it does him justice. I hope to see more of him and the Deaddays strips soon! Faithful Reader, Lilly (lillyinblack.deviantart.com) So, I did this thinking he would appriciate the fandom, and I was surprised by how much he did! Hi Kate! WOO! The colored version is so BITCHIN! This is great! I tired getting one of my friends to color this pic a while back, but they flaked, BUT NOW I HAVE IT! Thanks SOOO much Kate! Hell, send me your address and I'll send you a Free Dead Days book to show my appreciation. You did a fantastic job on it. Love it lots. Thanks again! -John Needless to say, this has made my day/week/month! Visit his devART page! http://deaddays.deviantart.com -Lilly i am with you, if you bleed

;_; [01 Apr 2004|03:19pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Damien Rice-"Cannonball" ] Sam told me a really sad story today in newspaper, it was about his day thusfar: 6 am, (btw, he usually wakes up about 7:15) his father bursts into his room and starts ranting at him about how he is a terrible son. Sam gets his car priviledges taken away. Basically, his dad was being an uber ass for no reason, and was threatening to kick him out of the house. 1st period he gets to school and does basically nothing. 2nd period he spent in the library, talking to people and not much else. Lunch (not many details there). 3rd period, in Global Studies, he had to sit there and listen to speeches about terrorism. And I quote, "I remember the first and half of the second speech, then I heard the bell ring and I was kinda like..." *then he mimes getting up from his desk, wiping spit from the side of his face, stretching rather loudly, and then leaving. We had newspaper after that, and he said he liked the class because he loves writing. Then he told me the sad part. "I kid you not, this is the thing that ties it all together and makes it just that bad." "Today is my birthday." God damn. I think I am going to go to the bookstore in west Salem this weekend to find him some good books for his birthday, it will be belated, but it is the thought that counts, and he needs some cheering. -Lilly i am with you, if you bleed

Pretty. [31 Mar 2004|05:42pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | Damien Rice-"Cannonball" ] Lyrics to a song I just heard today by Damien Rice. Cannonball Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt Still a little hard to say what's going on Still a little bit of your ghost your witness Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed You step a little closer EACH DAY Still I can't SAY what's going on Stones taught me to fly Love taught me to lie Life taught me to die So it's not hard to fall When you float like a cannonball Still a little bit of your song in my ear Still a little bit of your words I long to hear You step a little closer TO ME So close that I can't see what's going on Stones taught me to fly Love taught me to lie Life taught me to die So it's not hard to fall When you float like a cannon Stones taught me to fly Love taught me to cry So come on courage! Teach me to be shy 'Cause it's not hard to fall And I don't WANNA scare her It's not hard to fall And I don't wanna lose It's not hard to grow When you know that you just don't know as we float inbetween... i am with you, if you bleed

ni. [22 Mar 2004|03:20pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | nothing ] ( A poem by Squishy ) He wrote that after my last post. I guess I was feeling really down about Ray leaving and all. Ahh well... I figure he will be back around December, and until then, he is writing me letters when he has the chance. Sweet, random, and a jerk all in one, an interesting guy he is. Thank you for the poem, Squishy, I like it a lot, I really do. ^^ Bwee... time to move on, being friends is a very good thing, damnit. ^^ -Lilly i am with you, if you bleed

... [21 Mar 2004|04:22pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | "Here in my room"-Incubus ] It is really beautiful, gray, and subdued today... Raymond is off to be a Marine as of 6:00am this morning. ... I feel lonely. as we float inbetween... i am with you, if you bleed

Stolen from Phoebe who stole it from several other people... [02 Mar 2004|07:08pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | Daily Show ] ( Threes Survey. ) i am with you, if you bleed

Really cool quizzes [22 Feb 2004|07:09pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | "Please forgive me"-David Gray ] ( interesting quizzes, though i didn't take them all. ) Fun stuff. i am with you, if you bleed

Okay so, on with the actual post. [20 Feb 2004|05:17pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | family... ugh... annoying. shut.them.up! ] Maybe I should talk about my phantom disease. For the past week or so I have had this odd affliction, and I really don't know what to make of it. It all started last Friday night. I woke up once or twice each hour after a nightmare. I would be hot as hell, and my eyes would be crusted over. (gross, I know) The last time I woke up was around 7am, and I had stripped down to my undies, tank top, and just my comforter over me by then. I finally slept until 10 without waking up or feeling poorly. However, for the rest of the week I have either not slept well, felt sick in the morning, had a sore throat, or one of my eyes would be bloodshot. (Also, my eyes are still crusting over in the night, I am getting really fed up with that.) Right now, I have a sore throat that has lingered for two days, which rightly pisses me off because I have not been able to sing. Bloody hell. I have not felt sick enough to stay home from school though, and now I am really wondering what is wrong with me. *sigh* That's life I guess. Sam tore ligaments in his left leg, I don't remember how, but he did. Now he is on crutches and reduced to gimp status. The jerks at school didn't even give him an elevator key, so he has to hobble up and down the stairs. ;_; Poor guy. His story about how to survive a zombie attack is coming along though, hehe. ^^ I am such a coward. I have to bring myself to talk to people I look up to. I.E. Sam, Scott, and Deryck. (Not so much Deryck anymore, having English with him and so on.) I wonder what happens to make me feel so cowardly sometimes, I guess it is the remnents of my inferiority complex shining through. Here I thought I was rid of the little bugger, no such luck. Jamie had me talk to Scott online earlier, so I felt a little better about it. Meh... I don't feel like typing anymore, sorry loffs! ;_; I am a horrible friend. -Lilly i am with you, if you bleed

Long day. [20 Feb 2004|02:50pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | nothing but the hum of the computer... ] [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<td [...] left">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] I have to go pick up my mother from work. When I return I make an actual post. And Thebes, sorry about the survey. My cut tag didn't work becuase I screwed up the tag. <div align="center"><!--65.85 51.22 52.38 59.46--> <table style="color: black; background: #eeeeee" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> <table style="color: black; background: #dddddd" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> Extroverted (E) 65.85% Introverted (I) 34.15%<br> Imaginative (N) 51.22% Realistic (S) 48.78%<br> Emotional (F) 52.38% Intellectual (T) 47.62%<br> Easygoing (P) 59.46% Organized (J) 40.54%<br> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <table style="color: black; background: #eeeeee" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> Your type is: <b><font size="+3">ENFP</font></b><br> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <table style="color: black; background: #dddddd" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td width="280quot;>> <div align="left"> You are an Inspirer, possible professions include - conference planner, speech pathologist, HR development trainer, ombudsman, clergy, journalist, newscaster, career counselor, housing director, character actor, marketing consultant, musician/composer, artist, information-graphics designer, human resource manager, merchandise planner, advertising account manager, dietitian/nutritionist, speech pathologist, massage therapist, editor/art director. </div> </td> </tr> </table> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <a href="http://similarminds.com/career.html">Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test</a></div> i am with you, if you bleed

*spams your friends view* [19 Feb 2004|05:55pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | "Here in my room"-Incubus ] Stolen from my lovely Rika. ( interesting survey ) Wow, that was a fun survey actually. First time in a long time for that to happen. i am with you, if you bleed

Stolen from Aldo, but I am not giving you his journal, bastards. [16 Feb 2004|08:58pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | A crow left from the murder: album by Incubus ] OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel , the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children. ( Rules ) I am going to bed now, because Ray is not online. Night night. i am with you, if you bleed

I finally have a bloody moment to update. [16 Feb 2004|07:56pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | A crow left from the murder: album by Incubus ] MEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH! I am so tired right now... I kid you not. Arghen flarghen. I had fun though, indeedly. Spent Saturday night over at Beth's house. Josh was there, and he played DJ while Beth and I played Risk. Josh has great taste in music, there was not a single song I didn't like. I am glad he stayed until I left, because he told us he would be heading over to Zak's that night. Got my but royally kicked in Risk, probably because I was not paying attention to the game. Otherwise, Saturday didn't really exist, it was just a blur. Slept horribly that night though. I woke up once or twice each hour from a nightmare, and I felt sick like I have never felt sick before. It was odd to say the least. I hope I don't remember those nightmares either... I know they were bad. Sunday... what the hell did I do on Sunday. I don't think I did anything. I stayed up late talking to Raymond and Jamie. I have his phone number now, go me. I told him (before Jamie got online) that we needed to do something Munday. Once she got online, it turned into a day at Wunderland, at no cost to me. So I went to bed around 11. Today was a lot of fun. After a lot of figuring things out, we finally got a ride across town to Wunderland. Tim showed up at the last minute. They have a new game, the F-Zero game for Gamecube made into an arcade version. The chair moves, it's fun. We spent a lot of time experementing with that, and it was great fun. One round, Jamie and Tim were off playing DDR, so Ray was on watching. He proposed that he steered to the left, and I would steer to the right. He finally convinced me, saying it would proove our Jedi-linkage. It sorta did, because we learned to work together on the touchy game and did okay for the last lap. I think I was really bothering Tim though, what with all the attention I was giving to Ray. I really was bad today, I knew that by the end. Ray and I kept picking on/at eachother, you know, the excuses to be close type things. Well, I cannot say that is what he was doing, but I am pretty sure that is what I was doing. ^^;; >_> He did one thing that I hate though. He stood RIGHT behind me while I was playing DDR, and he kept hitting buttons, and touching me, trying to distract me. 1.) It is unnerving enough to have someone right behind you while you play DDR, because of, well... the view they get. 2.) the pushing of random DDR buttons is annoying. Between songs it was really bad, he kept switching my level of difficulty. We got in eachother's faces about it, which was also bad for the fact that it could have just been a front to get close... again... argh. Tim seemed rather put off whenever I looked at him, especially when Ray was around and we were picking on one another. I am thinking to damn hard... time to go to bed. -Lilly i am with you, if you bleed

Poems [16 Feb 2004|06:51pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | A crow left from the murder: album by Incubus ] ... my freewrite poetry notebook. I have written three over the last few days. Here you go. Distraction (02/09/04) Distracted hearts Connected across the room. Prying eyes, pleading, Calling to beckon forward. Cannot touch, cannot speak, Lovers without possibility of love, That cannot touch, cannot speak. Eyes, connected across the room, Lovers in the deepest sense, Forbidden glances stolen. Lovers in the dark In the back of their minds Where they may be connected... Unknown. Silence broken in thought, While silence remains in reality. Lovers in the dark, In the back of the mind, Friends in reality With longing thoughts. Love Song in Minor (02/10/04) Music, underlying a dream, A song I've never heard before, Winding through cryptic dreams. Flashes of terrible things With a love song in minor Woven unto their unknown messages. It has never happened... An unknown song in a dream, With nightmarish visions overlayed. It's not that scary though, And I'm not sure why, But that love song in minor Made it peaceful. A peaceful nightmare? Yes... Images dulled by sound, Lulling me lovingly, Calming my racing heart. A song I've never heard before, A love song in minor. In Threes (02/10/04) They used to come in threes; Poems that spoke from the heart. They are few and far between, And they now lack that same passion. My distraction has been too consistant, Too unrelenting to let something Beautiful spill onto the page. The thrill in my life is gone, The passion empty, The words drained of impact. Stationary prose, Stuck in ice, Locked in a prison. Beautiful words left alone in my mind, And I, without the power to speak Only to write... But I without the ability to link them. I forgot to post these to this journal the other day. Perhaps you shall enjoy my random goodness. (Can you tell I had an okay day?) -Lilly as we float inbetween... i am with you, if you bleed

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